I have started typing this post and stopped several times now. Although my blog won’t document every bite of food I eat, even though those blogs are my favorite!!, I do want to share my personal weight and body struggle. I mean, come on, we have all been there. Hating ourselves for some silly reason because, as a society, we have an unobtainable and unhealthy idea of what beauty really is. However, Caitlin’s post about the negative impact of “fat talk” really got me motivated to write this.
I was born premature May 9th, weighing a little under 5 lbs. And that was my story my entire life. I was the smallest of all my classmates for most of my life. In fourth grade, I was a little shrimp weighing 39 lbs. I ate whatever I wanted my entire life, which for many years, wasn’t much of anything. My hunger suddenly hit me in high school. I probably consumed 3-4,000 calories a day back then and never broke 100. I did study all the time, have a part time job, and do three varsity sports. That will pretty much keep weight off of you. Then my senior year my dream came true. I was accepted early decision to Vanderbilt University! For me, this was huge. Growing up, my parents struggled to keep food on our table and if not for some very generous family members, I have no idea what would have happened to me.
But back to the happy part– I also tried out for Vandy’s varsity cheerleading squad and made it. After a grueling five day try-out, I was officially a SEC varsity cheerleader. For the first time in my life, weight was an issue. Growing up, I had heard my mom talk about dieting, etc., but “fat talk” was not in my daily conversation. Suddenly now, I was immersed in a land of weigh ins, daily practices and workouts, bare midriff uniforms, and constant scrutiny of every bite I ate considering some guy had to hold my ass in the air for hours on end. And I still managed to keep the weight off. No freshman five, ten or fifteen for me. In fact, except for one bad summer, weight was not an issue for me through college and most of law school. The picture at the beginning of the post shows me doing what I do best, cheering!
My weight gain happened the last year of law school and the summer I studied for the bar exam. I started eating because I was sad about everything else. I didn’t have a job at that point. I was dating the wrong guy, no need to say anything else. One of my best friends moved away after graduation and there I was left to face the hardest exam I’ve ever taken. An exam that many professors said lots of “us” would fail. The weight slowly crept up. I would only take breaks from studying to eat. I was working out at one point but without fail, mid workout my mind would be racing with all the other things I needed to be doing, like studying. Eating breaks turned from quick meals into hour long drawn out comfort food eating sessions. The only great thing that came from bar review was the fact that I passed! Oh, and I met my future husband in bar review class!!
Anyhoo, it has taken nearly two years and one wedding later to get me closer to where I used to be. I gained an estimated 17 or 18 pounds. I’m in shock just typing that. I can’t believe it. I’ve never said it out loud. I have lost nearly 10 pounds of that so I still have another 7 or 8 to go. “Real life” is tough and I’m out of excuses. I know that I love food and dream about food. As a foodie, I still need to learn moderation and healthy eating. I can have it all!
If you haven’t seen the “fat talk” video created by Tri-Delt sorority, go to youtube right now and watch it!